Initially popularized in the United States by artists like Robert Mapelthorpe and Patti Smith, BDSM imagery gained even more public attention with mainstream books and movies from the 50 Shades of Gray series. BDSM and kinky sex have become so mainstream that now it can be difficult to tell who exactly is kinky. This blog reviews what qualifies as kinky, how many people report kinky fantasies, how many do kinky things, and how many identify as kinky or people who engage in BDSM.
What counts as kinky?
Kinky sex is an umbrella concept that covers everything that is not “vanilla” sex. Vanilla sex is conventional (often heterosexual) sex that in many ways is synonymous with lovemaking – toy-free, gentle intercourse between two people. Kinky sex is a much broader category that can include a wide range of adventurous sexual interactions such as tying people up, spanking/whipping/flogging them, bossing people around, submitting to being told what to do, pretending to be other people or beings, and subjecting each other or submitting to intense physical and emotional sensations. Kinky sex can include BDSM, a series of interactions that revolve around power exchange, role play, and intense sensations. An acronym I have explained in other posts on this blog, BDSM stands for Bondage and Discipline (B/D), Dominance and submission (D/s, also called power exchange), and Sadism and Masochism (S/M).
Kinky Fantasies
Of the people willing to report on their fantasies to researchers, the vast majority have had a sexual fantasy that might fall within the realm of kink — even if they don’t think of it that way. People fantasize about things that might be exciting, but they may not actually want to do in real life. From being overpowered/overpowering someone to having sex with different people, genders, locations, and situations that are not readily available in their daily lives, peoples’ sexual fantasies can encompass an adventurous and diverse range of interactions or activities. At the highest estimate, Lehmiller finds that 93% of men and 96% women fantasize about kink, while Brown and their colleagues’ more conservative estimates find that between 40% and 70% of adults reported BDSM related fantasies. The variance between these findings results from who is asking the questions, what kind of questions they asked, and who they asked about their fantasies. What is abundantly clear is that fantasizing about BDSM related sexual interactions is incredibly common.
Kinky Activities
From having one tipsy threesome to regularly using a specialized sex space, a wide range of folks worldwide engage in many different activities that could be considered kinky. The reported frequency varies tremendously by age and region, with younger people being far more likely to report kinky sexual activity than their elders. Kink is also much better studied in some areas of the world than others, so knolwedge of international prevalanece is uneven.
What is clear is that many, many people around the world enjoy doing kinky things with each other. For example, Herbenick and colleagues find that kinky behaviors are incredibly common, among adults ages 18 to 94 in the United States. They found that over 80% of college students have engaged in one or more kinky behaviors and almost 75% have a positive attitude toward sexual dominance. Another Herbenick study found that 60% of students reported lightly spanking a partner’s butt, and almost 35% reported spanking hard enough to leave a mark. A total of nearly 80% and 50%, respectively, reported that a partner did these things to them. Other kinky sexual behaviors this sample reported included choking, face slapping, calling a partner demeaning or insulting names, and/or ejaculating on a partner’s face. Brown and colleagues reviewed 60 studies and found that about 20% of the respondents reported engaging in BDSM.
A Belgian study by Holvoet and colleagues found high interest in BDSM-related activities among the general population, with nearly 47% of the total sample reporting at least one BDSM-related activity in their lifetime so far, and over 12% of the total population indicating that they performed one or more BDSM-related activities on a regular basis. Paarnio and their colleagues found similarly high interest and engagement in BDSM among the people of Finland, with 38% of their sample reporting interest in BDSM sex and 83% of their non-heterosexual respondents reporting participation in BDSM. As with many of the other studies, Paarnio and colleagues found that younger participants between 18 and 28 reported almost three times the interest in BDSM when compared with older participants.
Kinky Identity
The smallest number of people identify as kinky or members of the BDSM community. This means not only knowing that kinkiness is an identity option but also having the vocabulary to describe themselves as such. Simply fantasizing or even engaging in kinky activities does not require one to identify as a kinky person or engage with a BDSM community. Holovet’s study found that 26% of their Belgian respondents reported viewing themselves as being interested in BDSM, with almost 8% self-identifying as a practitioner of BDSM.
The majority of studies on BDSM or kinky identity focus on respondents who have already applied that identity to themselves as a criteria for participating in the study, so there are comparatively few studies that survey the population as a whole to determine how many identify as kinky or practitioners of BDSM. That leaves a gap in the knowledge about how many members of the population at large identify themselves as kinky or BDSM practitioners. Regardless, it is most likely that significantly more people fantasize about kinky sex or even engage in BDSM activities than identify themselves with the related communities — or are even willing to answer research questions about their most intimate sexual practices.
Conclusion
Ultimately, when we ask who is kinky it turns out to be a complicated question. Are we asking who has kinky fantasies and/or engages in behaviors that might qualify as kinky? Then the vast majority of the population is kinky. Alternately, are we asking who identifies as a kinky person or a member of a BDSM community? Only a minority of people would qualify for that narrower definition.
One reason for that is that the behaviors, activities, and especially identity related to kinky sex and BDSM are strongly stigmatized. Identifying as a kinky person or someone who is associated with the BDSM community can incur prejudice and discrimination, with the associated bias and mistreatment. If more people had access to knowledge about that identity – especially without stigma – then it is probable that many more would identify with and engage in kinky behaviors. Given the fact that a majority at least fantasize about kinky sex and at least half of a given population has tried something kinky at last once, kink could be considered a marginalized majority population. Depending on how people define things, vanilla individuals may actually be the sexual minority — possibly in practice and certainly in identity.
References
BAMBERG, M. (2026). When BDSM Went Mainstream. Gay & Lesbian Review Worldwide, 33(1).
Brown, A., Barker, E. D., & Rahman, Q. (2020). A systematic scoping review of the prevalence, etiological, psychological, and interpersonal factors associated with BDSM. The Journal of Sex Research, 57(6), 781-811.
Herbenick, D., Fu, T. C., Valdivia, D. S., Patterson, C., Gonzalez, Y. R., Guerra-Reyes, L., … & Rosenberg, M. (2021). What is rough sex, who does it, and who likes it? Findings from a probability sample of US undergraduate students. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 50(3), 1183-1195.
Herbenick, D., Fu, T. C., Valdivia, D. S., Patterson, C., Gonzalez, Y. R., Guerra-Reyes, L., … & Rosenberg, M. (2021). What is rough sex, who does it, and who likes it? Findings from a probability sample of US undergraduate students. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 50(3), 1183-1195.
Herbenick, D., Fu, T. C., Chen, X., Ali, S., Simić Stanojević, I., Hensel, D. J., … & Fortenberry, J. D. (2025). Prevalence and Demographic Correlates of “Rough Sex” Behaviors: Findings from a US Nationally Representative Survey of Adults Ages 18–94 Years. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 1-35.
Holvoet, L., Huys, W., Coppens, V., Seeuws, J., Goethals, K., & Morrens, M. (2017). Fifty shades of Belgian gray: The prevalence of BDSM-related fantasies and activities in the general population. The journal of sexual medicine, 14(9), 1152-1159.
Lehmiller, J. J. (2023). The psychology of human sexuality. John Wiley & Sons.
Paarnio, M., Sandman, N., Källström, M., Johansson, A., & Jern, P. (2023). The prevalence of BDSM in Finland and the association between BDSM interest and personality traits. The Journal of Sex Research, 60(4), 443-451.